A Stereotype is Sadly Re-Lived

I am "a depressed IHS girl" who is totally screwed over due to massive amounts of homework which I have not been doing due to my inability to postpone postponing my math homework. By the way, I can't type or speak coherantly. Yesterday a wrote an awful essay about Walt Whitman which was much too wordy. Simple clarity is the highest achievement in writing, although some people envy spewed wordiness. To me is is just frustrating and pompous.

Even though I am stuck in homework hell right now I am comforted by friends :) Many people have been wigging today, but some aren't, which is nice. I don't need anymore stress right now. Oooh and I really want a nap but I can't have one. I am so jealous of Lucas! Oog, I shouldn't even be writing in my blog right now, I'd better go work because I will probably work all night. Or not get the grades I'm used to, but I'm much too of a perfectionist to do that. Even if I am a procrastinating perfectionist.

ps. George W. Bush is . . . hmm. . . no, I'd better not say it <:-(-->-< GRRRR!

~Green Eyed Girl~

I just saw the Decemberists a la Rose and Drew and Alex and Jamie.
It was really really really good.
I am sad because I miss someone, though.

My sister just got angry at me and she can't talk.
They won't let me be because they are worried about me.
Life is too complicated.
I do love Drew though, for making someone happy is the greatest compliment.
When I am jealous I either miss things or I wish things. . .(*sigh)

Ja, Man!

All that really matters is what things are like RIGHT NOW. That is all that is worth thinking about, because alternate universes are there to be pondered, but never to be solved. Don't forget what you like now, or what you liked then, but there is no use planning what you will like in the future. But the real point of what I am trying to say is that if you spend hours wondering what another person will do in the future, you'll never live in the present. And living in the present is why we are alive.

PostScript. A hobo gave me the peace sign today. I liked that. And at that exact instant, stayin' alive came on the radio. It was a beautiful moment, worth mentioning in a song.

Recovering From a Freakin' Awesome Really Good Day

Yesterday was a terrifically awesome day, can't even begin to describe it. I felt like Amelie, really animated and happy, or rather like the actress that played Amelie, since Amelie really wasn't a happy gal. I'm really happy to have friends this week. When things get tough, they're on my side, and when things get better, I can cheer them up too. I really love to cheer people up when they're having a bad day. This is largely achieved by me babbling at them, because my stream of consciousness usually does the trick. At least I think it does, or else WOW I have been babbling a lot.

Last night I got to know a friend better than I did before, and I slept really well after that.

Ooh and I watched an episode of Monk. I love Tony Shahloub, he is so frickin' awesome. I know his doctor, who says he is a really nice guy, not like most celebrities.

I have soooo much homework today it is uncharacteristic of me. I think I should do at least SOME of it. . . but I would rather putter around my room and organize art supplies. Life is good though!!!

Horrible Horrible Awful Day

Today really really sucked. I am so worn out from listening to really sad angry music while being sad and angry, that I don't think I can go on being aware without a rest. I keep looking at myself in the mirror and I feel like I'm looking at someone else. I put my hair up today and I had intense peripheral vision, which I don't know if I like. It made me feel really perky and happy for a while, until other things brought me down later. We had an intense guest speaker who was like a black incarnate of a really traumatic teacher I had in middle school. I didn't think anyone could be worse than my Lit teacher, but oops, I was wrong. At least some people enjoyed him.

On a good note, I'm going to see the Decemberists on Monday with some people I really enjoy. I wish there wasn't school tomorrow, if it wasn't for the fact that I will see my best friend. She is the only person who understands me when I feel like I'm on the outside, and no one looks out the window to notice. I'm so glad that I talked to her today. We talked right after I woke from a nap, and it was a nice way to wake up.

A Monday Evening

I am so grateful to be blessed with the friends that I have. Lately I've been feeling down, thinking that no one cared, or that I wasn't worthy enough to be loved in my life. But you know what? I've changed my mind.

I love to hang out with friends and be silly, which I don't usually do. Sometimes I get to thinking so much that I can't stop analyzing, and then I lose what's really important, because I make things too complicated. That's what I love about some of my friends--they can be silly AND serious, but they don't stick to one or the other all the time. I forgot how different it is to spend an entire night blabbering about nonsense for the fun of it. I think I might be too uptight, which is why lately I've been putting myself into uncomfortable situations so I can get over it. I hate being awkward, but it is one of the only ways to grow up. If people stayed in their sheltered little lives forever, they would never gain wisdom, or have any fun. Some of the scariest things for me have been the best memories to look back on. And some of the worst memories too. But you can't have good without the bad in life.

I just spent the last couple hours writing a letter to someone that I probably will never deliver. But it makes me happy just to tell them how I feel to myself, because it makes me less confused. It's difficult to tell someone what you think about something, or even worse, what you want, when you can't even tell yourself in your own head.

I hope tomorrow I remember how happy I feel today.