A Monday Evening

I am so grateful to be blessed with the friends that I have. Lately I've been feeling down, thinking that no one cared, or that I wasn't worthy enough to be loved in my life. But you know what? I've changed my mind.

I love to hang out with friends and be silly, which I don't usually do. Sometimes I get to thinking so much that I can't stop analyzing, and then I lose what's really important, because I make things too complicated. That's what I love about some of my friends--they can be silly AND serious, but they don't stick to one or the other all the time. I forgot how different it is to spend an entire night blabbering about nonsense for the fun of it. I think I might be too uptight, which is why lately I've been putting myself into uncomfortable situations so I can get over it. I hate being awkward, but it is one of the only ways to grow up. If people stayed in their sheltered little lives forever, they would never gain wisdom, or have any fun. Some of the scariest things for me have been the best memories to look back on. And some of the worst memories too. But you can't have good without the bad in life.

I just spent the last couple hours writing a letter to someone that I probably will never deliver. But it makes me happy just to tell them how I feel to myself, because it makes me less confused. It's difficult to tell someone what you think about something, or even worse, what you want, when you can't even tell yourself in your own head.

I hope tomorrow I remember how happy I feel today.