it's afternoon?

I woke up at 4:30 this afternoon, after 12 hours of "sleeping" after the all night party. I didn't sleep very well, it was more akin to pretend-sleeping, since so much caffeine was keeping me awake. My mocha kicked in about 3:45 when we were all moving to leave.

Now I've left behind all these people I barely started to get to know!

Maybe people get more sentimental this time of year. Last night was full of hugs and chats, it makes me think about how I love SO many acquaintances.

Tonight is doomed to be depressing, I'm playing the Verve Pipe and the Go-Betweens on hard core repeat. I'd like to know if there is a reason why half of my best friends have decided to dislike me, because I don't try to hurt people. I'm trying to be myself, and protect myself, and only surround myself with people that treat me with kindness. But the people that I feel the strongest about are isolating themselves away from me in weirdness, and I just want to have everyone back. I'm so sorry, Carey, I wish you were able to call me up, which you don't seem to want to do. And everyone else. I am so in the dark right now. I am losing people that I love. It's lonely.